Friday, May 30, 2014

The Texture Of Without...

This one is something about the nature of grief and how we don't understand it until we are in it. Even when we are in it, we don't understand the permanent piece of it till we are emerged in it. For example, after my son died, people kept telling me the first year stuff was the worst. But by far, the 2nd year Mother's Day after he died was the worst because it was at that point that I understood the permanence of *Without* and how that would not change, ever, the rest of my life.

I wondered as I was making this piece what kind of nests we cocoon ourselves in to protect from this reality? When do we each learn about the permanence of impermanence? What are the screens we look through to cloud the truth so we don't have to face it until we have no other choice? Do we, in the Western world anyway, have increased fear and stress about death and dying because we spend our lives trying to avoid the permanence of impermanence?

Something like that.



  1. I talked today to a young woman and how the missing and the day to day the mask we put on when we are living without. I will pass this on to her love you kara

    1. Thanks for sharing forward, ANg. Yes, recently I've been thinking so much about how much goes unsaid over the long term. Partly because I fall into the habit of just every day life and stuff, but partly because it's all this under-the-surface stuff. It isn't an acute space that sends me to support group anymore because that's not really what it calls for...but it is something that informs the incoming and out-going tides of each day. Something in the metaphor of doing the daily bright-work you'd do if you had a wooden boat out at sea. ??? Anyway. Love you BIG!

  2. There are no support groups here for people who are in it for long term which I find frightening it also perpetuates the alone and singular feeling of grief . Its the motto dont telk we won't ask . I love you bigger you have always been here I found yoy and hawk shortly after andrew died cant remember when you werent a part of me

    1. Yeah, geesh, there is many people along the way have let us know there are no support groups physically near them -- that was the original reason we started that very first KotaPress Yahoo Group a million years ago.

      There are others I know now who have whole organizations around providing that kind of online support. Do you know Dave over at Friends Along The Road?

      And the PS group here in Western WA launched online groups, too:

      And though it isn't support group exactly Carly and Carrie recently lauched G+Hangouts around the concept of "Healing Conversations" that I think in future will bring opportunity for people to log in and contribute to the convo:

      I just keep hoping that we all keep coming up with great ways to use technology for good like this. xoxooxoxoxo Love you, ANg <3


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